Week: 15th – 21st May 2023
Game: Yakuza 5
Character: Haruka Sawamura
Quote: “No matter how difficult things might get, I don’t want to live with the regret of not ever trying”.
Reason: Well, this is a huge spoiler for my monthly progress report. I was terrified for Haruka’s section of Yakuza 5. I knew that if there was a point in this series where I couldn’t move past it, it was this. I am so bad at any sort of rhythm-based game. I have several conditions that impact it, primarily dyslexia and dyscalculia. Primarily (because I know a lot of people don’t know this), my dyscalculia means that I struggle to tell the size of things like gaps in between button presses (or even if one square is bigger than the other). While I recognised this whole time that I would have a more difficult time… I didn’t give up. I told myself (and for neurotypical people, I imagine that this sounds insane) that Haruka was also at a disadvantage. We were going to work through it together. We practiced and practiced and practiced until my fingers started hurting. I learnt to love Haruka’s section of this game. I loved the challenge it gave me, how hard I had to work for it. Yes, I was at what sometimes feels like an unfair disadvantage… but I wasn’t alone. So, when Haruka got given the option to drop out of the Princess League before the final round… I knew we couldn’t do it.
I have a lot of trauma, and something that goes along with that is a lot of regrets. Regrets of not doing more, of not sticking up for myself, of not telling more people. I’m trying to heal from that now, and I’m learning that all these regrets are just negative thoughts that are weighing me down. You can’t do anything about regrets. Haruka is so young, but she’s so right. The regret of not trying something is one that haunts most people, and I know from experience that it’s a particularly difficult one to get rid of. Sure, things might get hard but at least you tried. If you don’t try, you have nothing. Wise words from a 16-year-old, but I expect nothing else from Haruka.
Eleanor Rees Gaming 